So as I sit here in November of '07 I find myself oddly feeling almost exactly the same as I did in November of '06. It is odd to me, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it, part of me is finding comfort in feeling these familiar feelings, but another part of me is feeling uneasy about it...
So last year I had a song that I did enjoy very much, the other day my ipod on shuffle played it reminding me of how much I feel parallel to last year, so here are those lyrics, I love them!!!
There are no guarantees in life
Not for the present, nor for the future
All I know is that I'm here
Don't know for how long
I love the way you live so intensely
Enjoying every minute of life
With faith to swing your arms around
Laughing loudly
Unlike me, unlike me
Do you think I'm strange?
unlike you, unlike you
I am not pretending
There's no time; there's no time
There's no time; time doesn't really exist
The past, the present and the future
Are all side by side, hand in hand
You move and change, yet you go nowhere
Everything stays the same
You stare at me and ask me questions
Makes me nervous, mmm...
This room it keeps a constant tone
While I'm on a roller coaster
Unlike me, unlike me
Do you think I'm strange?
Unlike you, unlike you
I am not pretending
There's no time; there's no time
There's no time; time doesn't really exist
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Short and sweet
Ok so this one ought to be short and sweet, just a bit of venting...
Why can't I know how things will end now, so I know if this pain is for something, or if it is just there.
Why does it still hurt, why do I still feel this way? Is it because something more is meant to happen, or is it because I refuse to let go?
Why is it that I can't seem to talk about anything else, I can hear people getting sick of hearing me talk about it, and it's not that I want to stop talking about it, it's my favorite subject, but I want to not have people stop talking to me because it's all I talk about it... GGRRRR!!!
Sometimes I hate the unknown, but then there are those times when the unknown is what makes things so great, as Joshua Radin says, the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall...
Why can't I know how things will end now, so I know if this pain is for something, or if it is just there.
Why does it still hurt, why do I still feel this way? Is it because something more is meant to happen, or is it because I refuse to let go?
Why is it that I can't seem to talk about anything else, I can hear people getting sick of hearing me talk about it, and it's not that I want to stop talking about it, it's my favorite subject, but I want to not have people stop talking to me because it's all I talk about it... GGRRRR!!!
Sometimes I hate the unknown, but then there are those times when the unknown is what makes things so great, as Joshua Radin says, the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall...
Thursday, November 22, 2007
I don't do sadness
People say that misery loves company, but to what extent? Recently I was watching an episonde of Will and Grace in which Will and Grace are trying to get pregnant. Grace; however, meets someone before the act is finished. She feels that this person might be the ONE. She asks Will to wait just one month for her to try out this new guy. Will get's angry and gives her to ultimatum, either we do it tomorrow or not at all... Why would he do this? The thing is that Will is not happy! And he cannot stand it when Grace is, misery loves company. But to what extent? They were best friends, when you love someone don't you want them to be happy? When does the line get drawn... Why is it that even a best friend will do anything to keep you miserable?
Along that subject: why do we keep ourselves unhappy? Last night I went on a drive with a dear friend who told me that she was in love with two boys, one was constant, he loved her, he took care of her, he was so good to/for her. The other is horrible, he was not constant, he may have loved her, but it was a selfish lusty kind of love, he did not take care of her, and he definately was not good for her. But, she continued to tell me, the thing is that she loves them both, but, at the moment, the one she wants the most is the one that is not good for her? Why is that? Then today as I was watching Pushing Daisies I had a revalation, I know another TV reference I'm lame, but on this show there is one character that will not let her self be happy. Why? Then I began to think, is there some kind of comfort or safety in being unhappy?
Here is my conclusion- There is comfort, oddly, in being unhappy. When you are happy you expect happy things from the world, and what happens when those happy things don't happen, we are let down, which in most cases is worse than never expecting the happy things to begin with. Those of us that are unhappy are that way because we feel comfortable there, and we can't be let down. If you always expect things to be bad you don't have to get your hopes let down. And for my dear friend with the man troubles I think the reason you prefer the bad boy is that he is constantly mean, and with the good guy, I wonder if you fear that one day he will turn on you, and in a sense that will be worse than him being bad all along... oh dear I feel that my point might not be so easy to understand... let's see if I can say it simply... People like being unhappy because then they never have to live with the fear of being let down. How was that? Hopefully it was alright and understandable. ha
Along that subject: why do we keep ourselves unhappy? Last night I went on a drive with a dear friend who told me that she was in love with two boys, one was constant, he loved her, he took care of her, he was so good to/for her. The other is horrible, he was not constant, he may have loved her, but it was a selfish lusty kind of love, he did not take care of her, and he definately was not good for her. But, she continued to tell me, the thing is that she loves them both, but, at the moment, the one she wants the most is the one that is not good for her? Why is that? Then today as I was watching Pushing Daisies I had a revalation, I know another TV reference I'm lame, but on this show there is one character that will not let her self be happy. Why? Then I began to think, is there some kind of comfort or safety in being unhappy?
Here is my conclusion- There is comfort, oddly, in being unhappy. When you are happy you expect happy things from the world, and what happens when those happy things don't happen, we are let down, which in most cases is worse than never expecting the happy things to begin with. Those of us that are unhappy are that way because we feel comfortable there, and we can't be let down. If you always expect things to be bad you don't have to get your hopes let down. And for my dear friend with the man troubles I think the reason you prefer the bad boy is that he is constantly mean, and with the good guy, I wonder if you fear that one day he will turn on you, and in a sense that will be worse than him being bad all along... oh dear I feel that my point might not be so easy to understand... let's see if I can say it simply... People like being unhappy because then they never have to live with the fear of being let down. How was that? Hopefully it was alright and understandable. ha
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Things to do before Florida
MUSTS....(with people)
1.) Go to the Condo 2.) Go to the Hale 3.) Go to Color me mine 4.) Go visit Tracy 5.) Temple Square 6.) "Veg" at Borders 7.) Visit Orem High-and all the people and things inside of it 8.) have a Photoshoot with the Kirks 9.) Go out with Company girls 10.) Late night IHOP 11.) Watch the Fountain with AJ 12.) Trips to Target 13.) Play with the people I will miss 14.) Have sleepover with Kiki 15.) Tunnel Sing 16.) Go to Ikea 17.) Go to B.O.
MUSTS....(personal)
1.) Dance at the studio 2.) Go to Kellen's spot 3.) Take Jaremy's class 4.) Buy one thing from Black Chandeiler
MAYBES....
1.) Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory 2.) Tucanos 3.) Bajios
Don't worry I'm sure more will be added soon...
1.) Go to the Condo 2.) Go to the Hale 3.) Go to Color me mine 4.) Go visit Tracy 5.) Temple Square 6.) "Veg" at Borders 7.) Visit Orem High-and all the people and things inside of it 8.) have a Photoshoot with the Kirks 9.) Go out with Company girls 10.) Late night IHOP 11.) Watch the Fountain with AJ 12.) Trips to Target 13.) Play with the people I will miss 14.) Have sleepover with Kiki 15.) Tunnel Sing 16.) Go to Ikea 17.) Go to B.O.
MUSTS....(personal)
1.) Dance at the studio 2.) Go to Kellen's spot 3.) Take Jaremy's class 4.) Buy one thing from Black Chandeiler
MAYBES....
1.) Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory 2.) Tucanos 3.) Bajios
Don't worry I'm sure more will be added soon...
Sunday, November 18, 2007
The eyes are the window to your soul...
I think one of the first things that I notice about a person is their eyes. Now I have never really seen someone with eyes that were ugly, but I always notice when I love someone's eyes.
So... You may wonder why I am spending time to tell that I love eyes, there really is no point to it, I just really like eyes. But then I've heard it said that "the eyes are the window to the soul". What does that even mean? Does it mean that by looking into someone's eyes that you can tell everything about them? Or does it just mean you can get a peek at what they are inside? And if that's true then does it mean that you can look at your own eyes in the mirror and tell everything about yourself? Or do you just get a peek at yourself? Or for that matter does it only work when someone else looks into your eyes?
So if my eyes are the window to my soul, what do you see when you look in my eyes? What do they tell about me? Are my eyes discrete, or are the noisy and loud? Or are they completely unreadable? I just wish I knew what they were saying.
So... You may wonder why I am spending time to tell that I love eyes, there really is no point to it, I just really like eyes. But then I've heard it said that "the eyes are the window to the soul". What does that even mean? Does it mean that by looking into someone's eyes that you can tell everything about them? Or does it just mean you can get a peek at what they are inside? And if that's true then does it mean that you can look at your own eyes in the mirror and tell everything about yourself? Or do you just get a peek at yourself? Or for that matter does it only work when someone else looks into your eyes?
So if my eyes are the window to my soul, what do you see when you look in my eyes? What do they tell about me? Are my eyes discrete, or are the noisy and loud? Or are they completely unreadable? I just wish I knew what they were saying.
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